I went to see my oncologist yesterday. It was a follow up after my MRI of my brain and spine. She is such a chipper little thing, considering the line of work she is in. I just love her to pieces! My MRI's showed no cancer in my brain or spine, so that was good news. Then it was time to take care of business. She told John and I that she would like for us to fill out a Power of Attorney for Health Care. This took me back a tad and caused me to ask a question that my son Nick had been asking me to ask. What was my prognosis? She didn't want to answer the question but I told her I knew I wasn't getting out of this alive so just be open and honest with me. She looked me in the eye and said, three to six months, up to a year. Nothing like a punch in the gut to make it all real.

I start chemo tomorrow. I'm a little nervous about it. Not sure how my body is going to react to this little pill that could change the design of my life. Can I lay there and imagine that the big monster is in my body eating up all the little cancer cells like you see on TV? Is it like a video game? Does it even matter weather I take it or not? I'm going to give it a couple months try and see what the test show after that, if no change then why let it make me miserable?

I'm not afraid to die, I'm just going to close my eyes and sleep a long peaceful sleep. What I worry about are my kids left behind and my other family and friends. It's going to be a hell of a split for my kids, I have kept them on a short lease up to now. I have kept them close to my heart. There is no love like a mothers love for her children. But I will leave that for another post...

Don't mourn me yet, I'm not gone yet. I don't know why I think I would be appropriate for a miracle, but then I don't get to decide now do I?