The Continuation...January

My primary doc sent me back to my surgeon for that little lump on my chest wall "and while you are there ask him about that little lump above your belly button that we think is some kind of abscess". My surgeon ordered a PET scan which lights up when the radioactive dye they injected in me attaches it's self to cancer cells. Dr. D called me back and told me I lit it up like a Christmas tree. Many tumors found within the fat layer of the skin with more small tumors, which is the normal progression of Melanoma. Back to surgery to biopsy that lump on my chest wall. When I came out of surgery that lump on my chest wall was still there but the one on my belly was gone. Doc wasn't in the operating room and I just asked why he didn't do that lump and they kept saying that he would talk to me as soon as he was done talking to my family. I just told them they might as well tell me it was cancer, I already had a pretty good idea anyway, they told me. An hour later I left the hospital laughing. Why not, what good is crying going to do?? I'm not saying I didn't have my days of crying and I still do. My poor brother Tim got the phone call telling him how scared I was with me crying. I can't imagine how I would have handled that if I were on the other end, he handled it wonderfully. I have two wonderful friends, a married couple who are just a phone call away no matter what, they have been a God send. Chuck and Cali (Carol) I love you both! Cali did a wonderful job of helping me search the internet for studies or trials throughout the mid-west when my new oncologist (who I love to pieces) told me that a trial was my best hope of surviving. They traveled from Chicago to Milwaukee for doctor appointments, Cali took notes and kept all my records in order because I was just lost. When we did find a trial at Chicago University, they both came with me at the start or when Cali had to work Chuck was my taxi. It's hard for me to ask others for help, I'm the one who helps others, they took this burden away from me. They didn't give me a choice. But the trial didn't turn out as planned, I guess you could say I was voted off the island. My cancer cells didn't match what they were looking for. Not to mention, as easy as these two people made my life, I was tired, tired from the cancer, tried from not eating due to lack of appetite, tired from being away from home. I was exhausted! This was my out, my way to come back home and roost.

I am now going back to my own oncologist and finally some kind of treatment is being planned. I am just waiting for my first bout of chemo in pill form to be approved by my insurance. I spend my days laying on my couch in the family room, my back hurts if I am up to long, it hurts now from sitting here. Dr. S, my oncologist said after the MRI of my spine on Tuesday and the MRI of my brain due to headaches, if there is a tumor that is big enough to be causing the pain in my back they can do a bout of radiation. The chemo on it's own won't take my hair away, but mix it with radiation and it will. Sounds like I will have to find some fancy doo? rags to replace my missing hair but at least the pain will be gone and that means less pain pills. We can save those for later when they will really be needed. I know what I'm up against and it's OK for me, I just worry about my kids as any mother would, I want to protect them and shield them. We joke a lot, it's the way we do things around here. If I don't get my way, I see nothing wrong with pulling the "c" card. ;) Not to mention, I think puking gets a bad rap. I told my girls I want a pretty puke bucket.

Ok, my fingers are wearing out...incase you didn't also know, I have peripheral neuropathy. It's a nerve disease of the feet and hands that causes these areas to become numb and yet have very painful sharp pains or pins and needle type feelings all the time. It's not fun, but it's life and I've had it long enough now that I'm use to it for the most part. I am thinking cancer trumps this. More another night.

One more thing before I go...as the weather warms and we wear less clothes, please use sunscreen. Please get those yearly checks from the dermatologist. Please don't allow this to happen to one more person....please~