Does anyone know how to die? On one hand I feel like I should be laying down and taking it easy and conserving my energy. On the other hand, I feel like I should be off making a name for myself. Doing something special that people will remember me for a time to come. Somehow I don't think you get that from playing games on facebook. Is facebook really the way to go? I can see it now, headlines read, "Women found slumped over computer with face-book Farmville on her computer screen"! Not really the way I was wanting to be remembered. So what to do? I have been perplexed with this question for a few days now. Do I even have the energy to volunteer some where? Yesterday was the last day of my second batch of chemo, so today I am pretty drained, so that answer today is no, but other days, that answer might be yes. I have been wanting to volunteer with rocking babies at St. Joseph's Hospital here in Milwaukee. This is where the preterm's are born. They just need your love and body heat and believe me, I have a lot of body heat to share with them and God knows I love babies. Some where on this messy desk is their number, I looked it up before all this came back to greet me again. This being cancer. I bet I threw it away, thinking they wouldn't accept me into the program. Well, I can look up the number just as easy now as I did before. There, I left a message, I can't do much more than that. The least they can do is turn me down. Not sure if this is the answer, but it feels right to me and I guess that's all that matters. I refuse to lay down and wait for the hand of death to come over me, if it wants me, it's going to have to find me and then it better be prepared to chase me, with me laughing, out of breath, all the way........